“Mirror, mirror on the wall, who’s the fairest one of all?” Almost everyone knows this phrase by heart and which fairy tale it comes from. I often wonder though if this tale of all too simple good vs bad depiction with good winning in the end, carried with it nuances that end up with us struggling for the rest of our lives.
When we look at the mirror, what do we see? What do we say to ourselves? What does the mirror say back to us? Do we smile as we walk away? Or do we frown? Do we get consumed by what we see that it influences our behavior for the rest of the day? Do we become like the evil queen out to get the one person who makes us feel inferior? Do we believe everything that the mirror tells us?
New year’s resolutions I should have made years ago but didn’t
….and so I’m making them now…..
A wise friend told me a few years ago that there are three kinds of forgiveness – absolution, forbearance, release. I was amazed at how ground-breaking and life-changing those words meant to me. I grew up in a Catholic environment where the only forgiveness I knew of was God’s absolution for my sins given by the priest whenever I go to confession. Since that was my experience, I didn't know of any other way to forgive others til then.
It’s been 11 years. The journey has been long and hard, with a lot of twists and turns. The journey has been lonely. But I have become whole again.
Mine is not an unusual story as I’ve seen it happen to other people. My marriage of 12 years broke down some 11 years ago. It took a long time for me to make sense of it and truly move on. For the most part, I was alone in that journey pretending that everything was fine when it was not. When I finally started sharing my experience with friends and family a few years back, it proved to be helpful not just to me as a release but to them as well who had some challenges in their own lives.
So maybe, if I share this with the world then the lessons I’ve learned can help more people who may be going thru the same thing.
I thought I was ready. I thought I had said my goodbyes. I thought I was strong enough. I knew it was coming. I thought I could readily move on.
I was dead wrong.
Until now, I am getting over the loss and the pain. Albeit there are good days where I last 24 hours not thinking about it, the bad days still come. And when they do, it envelops me with profound sadness and grief.
It’s almost Valentine’s Day and my thoughts naturally turn to dating and finding that life partner. I’ve been struggling in this area and I know I’ve made quite a number of mistakes. I recall my mom telling me at some point in my life, “Joy, I know you’re intelligent and accomplished and all that, but when it comes to love, medyo tanga ka talaga!*’
My 2017 in numbers (I'm geeky like this... 🤓)
1. Added/accepted 134 new FB (and other social networks. I just use FB as peg since it has an official count) friends, purged some, blocked a few, refused to accept others coz I value my friendships...
2. Attended 1 blessed wedding, only my 4th in over 10 years. Those who know me well know why I seldom attend weddings.